i've been scanning through my past entries in this blog. again.

i was actually quite amused by what i saw. i saw, inscribed in virtual ink, the oh-so-amazingly-complex thoughts of a what... 15-year-old? 16-year-old? apparently i really do have a wide vocabulary and an even wider imagination to come up with so many metaphors. XD

but i noticed something that most posts had in common: the atmosphere of depression. the complaints of always feeling insatiable, always feeling half-empty. always feeling that something's missing.

and after typing those last few words above, i just realized that right now i feel the exact opposite.

while scanning through those depressing posts, my past work of fiction whispered to me through every scroll, "when was the last time you felt complete?"

my heart answered for me, "just now."

mind over heart... somehow that doesn't work at all anymore. but at least it served its purpose the first few months after i committed to it. i was told that to revert (read: heart over mind) would be difficult once i got used to thinking "mind over heart". i didn't mind. i thought i could stay in my zombie state forever.

eventually i found out i was wrong, and that i really needed to change back to how i once was. but, it was hard. from being a zombie i had to revert to being human once again.

only coz i believe i've found someone who would keep me human, who would keep me sane, who would give me what i've been missing and patch them into the holes i had in the fabric of my soul.

and. immensely. i thank him for that.